My ADHD-blog

It's a few days later now and I still don't feel good.

It's allot better then the first days I got this cold turkey effect though.
I still don't understand how Eli Lilly, that's the producer of this medicine,
can write that you can stop Strattera without going down in dose.
Because they wrote it so clearly I did stop suddenly.

I found a few site on internet where they provide full information on
withdrawal from different medicine, also Strattera.
That was a good help, because at least I found out that it is not only normal
to get withdrawal effects, but that it can even be dangerous.

So for anybody who is testing Strattera, or using it and want to stop:
Do it slowly and contact your doctor about it.
If you have a doctor who says that you can stop directly without any problem,
then please don't believe them, instead look up information yourself on internet.

Here is a link to a discussion forum on internet where you can find lots of info on
many different medicine: A help forum about withdrawal

This terrible!

It's not good, I feel really bad.

When I had decided to stop with Strattera, because of the bad side effects.
The nurse told me to go down to 40 mg ( was 80 mg a day) and then stop a week efter.

But when I came home I read the little papper that comes along with the medicine.
There it sad that you did not have to tap down.
You can just stop directly, without a problem.

So why would I take it slow if they write that you can just stop?

So I did, first I felt ok.
Then I started days later to get out of balans and dizzy and slowly also more heavy, I mean real heavy.
When I checked it out on internet I found out that you should not stop suddenly!
Not even if you parents say so.

So now I'm sitting here,feeling terrible, very tired, but no sleep.
Heavy, dizzy and crazy.
Why did I even start testing this product?

How I feel

Well You all noticed that I have not been so faithful with my daily writing.
I haven't been writing for 5 days now I think.
To be honest, I really didn't feel like it.
Thanks to Strattera!
I felt terrible!

If you want my opinion on Strattera, Don't use it! Don't try it!

complains/side effects

I know I have been sounding very positive about Strattera in the beginning.
But more and more I started to realize that the irritation feelings became stronger.
Then when I talked with my wife about it, she couldn't agree more.
I started to dislike myself more and more!
My wife could hardly say anything to me without getting 'bad response' from me.
Concentration is one of the many problems I have.
So many times when we are going somewhere with our car I drive wrong unless my wife tells me how
to go. But when she does that I get irritated, and respond not nice, like it is her fault that I can't concentrate.
Concentration is just one of many problems.
Before I started with Strattera I had some very bad days.
Then it would be better for me and my loved ones to be alone.
But now thanks to Strattera I feel like I have only bad days!
Especially the last 2 weeks it was getting worse!

Sometimes I totally freaked out without any reason.
I could be sitting on a couch and become angry, just suddenly without any reason.
I could suddenly really flip out, freak out or however you want to call it.
Most times it happened when I was alone, so that was good.

But the worse moment I experienced was with Easter.
We where going to eat dinner at my mother in law.
She is a fantastic, sweet and very smart woman.
Not only that, but she is also a great cook, so I'm always happy to go to her!
But with Easter I went to the woods right before I was going to her.
I went into the woods and went crazy.
I really had to keep on talking to myself that I was ok.
That I am not crazy and that it probably was an side effect of Strattera.
I started to cry, became very emotional etc.

My dog came to me with a ball he found.
That helped because I could focus on playing with my dog.
and slowly I get out of that feeling.
It was a very scary experience.
After that I have been thinking about the research I had done before I started with Strattera.
That so many people in America, I think it was more then 300 killed themselves.
And if I understood it correctly it was also proven that it was connected with the use of Strattera.

Here in Sweden they are testing it now on about 600 people.
It is only available via a special license, well if it is up to me I hope they will not
be allowed to put it on the market here.
I was one of those 600 people and as far as I understood, no people here in Sweden
had any good results. I base that on reading and responses I heard and got.
So I don't claim this as being a fact. All in my blog is my opinion, not facts.
I'm not a specialist, I'm not a doctor.
But I am a smart guy with user experience in the field ADHD and medicine.
I have tried Effexor, Ritalin, concerta, Metamine, in English known as dextro amphetamine
and I probably forget to mention a few. Nothing worked.
And all medicine have side effects. now I have been reading also reports on the effect of
the use of Ritalin and other stimulants on children. I don't remember where I read it.
It's also not so easy to find critical reports from experts, and I wonder if they, I mean the medicine industry,
is trying to keep those reports away from the public?

I know I sound totally different now then when I started with testing Strattera.
Of course I sound different! I was hoping Strattera was going to work for me.
My life is a life of allot of stress, troubles, confrontations etc.
I'm tired of living the life I do, well that doesn't sound right.
I'm not tired of life, but I want to live a normal life!
I want to be able to give love to my wife whom I love more then anything else in this world.
I want to be able to enjoy life without stress and chaos.

People outside on the street probably don't see that I have such a big problem.
After all I have my own company, I have a company together with my wife.
I also work on a normal job fulltime.
We live close to nature and have fantastic animals.
I have family, and also a very nice family in law.
A car, a moped, a bike. I'm not bound to a wheelchair or anything.
So everything is ok right?

I know I should be thankful for all of that.
I don't know how to explain what the problem is, but maybe you get a little idea of how the life of someone with ADHD is (and how hard it is for the partners of some one with ADHD) if you read the posting about the start of my day. Then you might get a little better understanding. This story does not have a happy ending.
Well not yet anyway. It's just a start to a new adventure, now without medicine.

I'm a Christian, I believe in God. Maybe I have been putting my hope to much on medicine instead of Him.

I will keep on writing this week about the last days of testing Strattera.
I went down from 80 mg to 40 mg. after that I will continue to write, although maybe not daily
about ADHD in my life. So keep on reading.

How I feel

Very tired, really extreme for a few days now.
It's so terrible to be tired all the time.
But lately it's more extreme again.

And also fustrated because I had to write this posting again and again......

Complains/ side effects

The usual, dry mouth, tiredness, toiletgoing problems etc.

ADHD effects

Also the usual ones.
At getting a little boring to write the same everyday.
I'm going to bed soon,zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Theo

How I feel

VERY, VERY frustrated!

Yes Strattera works, because I don't have this hunted and rush feelings anymore.
But it's not enough!
The irritation feelings are still very strong present.
And not just some days, it feels lately almost daily.
How do I know?
Well be around me for 24 hours and you know, ask my wife.
Really I can joke about it but it's so frustrated!
Today for example, we where in a supermarket.
My wife was already standing in a line to pay the stuff we did buy.
A man came and stood behind her in the line.
Then I came and sad: excuse me, to the man and passed him.
So far so good, but then he told me he was first.
I told him in Swedish, that's where I live, that I was with her, the woman in front of him.
He probably didn't understand my Swedish and took me by my arm
and try to push me back.
I exploded and told him clearly , well loud is a better word, to get lost.
The problem was only that I sad it in Dutch, but he understood that he made me VERY angry.
Right away he went to another line and waited there instead for his turn.
Luckily, because the security guard also cam to check out what the problem was.
But he was not needed.

It's such a stupid moment, that I felt right away so bad about.
Most of all because I embarrassed my wife in front of others.
And it happens so many times.
I get so tired and frustrated with myself.
There is nothing worse then hurting the ones you love!
I don't know what to do anymore.
I do know that something has to change.

Complains/side effects.

The same as the last days.
The exploding and irritating feelings are part of the ADHD.
That's not a complain caused by Strattera.

ADHD effects

Also the same as written before.
Nothing new, so why repeat right?

It's late and I got to get up early, so I better stop and get some sleep.

How I feel

Well ok, but today the tiredness was extreme bad again.
On the end of my shift, I work a 12 hours shift, I was so tired that I had to get a short nap ( sleep)
It's only 15 minutes driving to my home, but I was really totally wasted.
And it's not because of the work itself.
Because I'm driving around in the car the whole day.
So no physical job.

Complains/Side effects

The same as always, but more tiredness today.


ADHD effects

Also the same as before, I have not so much time today so I'll keep it short.

Hi every one,

I'm writing this blog now for almost a month.
I can't complain about the attention.
Because In the first 3 weeks I already got more then 500 visitors!
And more then 1500 times are my pages read.
That's fantastic!

But I really would like to ask you all to also respond!
Do you recognize anything?
Do you like what you read?
Do you think it's a waste of time?
Maybe you would just like to encourage me?
Are you a doctor or nurse?
Are you having the same problems?

PLEASE WRITE! RESPOND! I want to know what you as a reader think!
You can do it in my guestbook, or you can leave a comment in the blog!

I'm looking forward to your respons!

Theo

How I feel

Pretty good.
Although I missed 3 days of writing, so I will write about them all in this posting.
But I have been keeping it up daily for 24 days, that's a record for me!
So I'm still happy with that, but of course I haven't given up.
I will be serious again from now on.
It's hard, very hard, but I refuse to let ADHD rule my life.
My goal is to have a good live, despite my ADHD.
I will be successful with my relationships, my work, my own companies etc.
I feel like I don't have a grip on my life, but I will get that back.
I want and will get control back over my own life.
ADHD or not, I will not only survive, I will have a constant daily victory!
Because if I don't believe in myself, who will?
Well I have to admit that I could never be this strong without God in my life.
And my wife, I give her allot of headaches, but she is always there for me.
Really if it wasn't for God and my wife, I don't know what I would have for a life!

Complains/side effects

The usual ones: Dry mouth, weak in the legs that makes me so tired,
although that is getting better and better.
Sweating' s, really it's already April, but we still have snow outside.
Although it is starting to melt now.
But everybody is walking in winter jackets, when I get this sweating 's I have
to take of my jacket, and walk around in my shirt. Otherwise I'm getting crazy.

ADHD effects

Like I wrote earlier, I feel a difference.
But not as much as I hoped for, but allot better then before.
Normally I had this stress and hunted feeling 24 hours a day.
But now that is gone, well most of the times.
But I still have a hard time not getting irritated so quickly.
I still have a hard time listening.
I still have a hard time to start thinking before I react on what others say.

You know I had a attitude most of my life.
I was expecting people not to like me.
And if they did, they could still not be long around me.
That did not happen all the time, but most of the times.

But that still has an effect on my life now.
Then I did not understand why people found it so hard to be around me.
Now I am allot wiser, first of all do I know now that I have ADHD.
That explains not only my problems I had in life, but also how people responded on me.
And why they could not be to long around me, or simply didn't like me.
I was not easy to be around with. In that times I felt sorry for myself and blamed others.
Theo few friends I did have, them I really appreciated and was very thankful for those friendships.

Now, since I know better I don't blame others anymore.
I also don't blame myself, but just try to make the best of it.
And enjoy the talents I do have.
Not all of them, because producing and hosting radio programs
was a job I did for many years in Holland.
My Swedish is not good enough so I don't do it here in Sweden.
I don't have so much time anymore with a fulltime job and
2 own companies. But still that is where I am really good in.
So I am still dreaming that I can get paid for making an English
Gospel program on radio. Not the typical gospel programs you might think of now.
I never made those standard programs, I always had my own way of hosting a show with
spontaneous talks, good music and some humor.
Well who know it might still happen, right?

Grrrreeeaaatttt news!

I just installed a chatprogram on my blog.
So if you would like to chat directly with me,
then just click on the button on the right when if I'm online!
If the button is green then I'm online.
If it is red then I'm offline.

This is your change to ask me things directly!
But it will only work when I'm online.
So let me know when you will be online (European time)
Then I will try to be there also!

Chat you later!

Theo

How I feel

Today was pretty good again.
If I think ADHD related.
Because I did not have any rush or stress feeling in a extreme way.
So that was good.

Complains/side effects:

The same as the last days.
Although I forget to mention a few.
Now when I was walking with our dog in the woods,
I was thinking about side effects that I forgot to write down.

I normally have as side effects: Dry mouth
Tiredness (although that is getting better lately)
Pain in the stomach ( when I don't eat enough before I take Strattera)
Problems with toilet going ( urinating)
Bad mood problems ( sometimes a very extreme bad day, without reason)

I can't think of any more now, but I'm sure I forgot something.

ADHD effects

The same as the last weeks, so I wont repeat that again.