My ADHD-blog

It's a few days later now and I still don't feel good.

It's allot better then the first days I got this cold turkey effect though.
I still don't understand how Eli Lilly, that's the producer of this medicine,
can write that you can stop Strattera without going down in dose.
Because they wrote it so clearly I did stop suddenly.

I found a few site on internet where they provide full information on
withdrawal from different medicine, also Strattera.
That was a good help, because at least I found out that it is not only normal
to get withdrawal effects, but that it can even be dangerous.

So for anybody who is testing Strattera, or using it and want to stop:
Do it slowly and contact your doctor about it.
If you have a doctor who says that you can stop directly without any problem,
then please don't believe them, instead look up information yourself on internet.

Here is a link to a discussion forum on internet where you can find lots of info on
many different medicine: A help forum about withdrawal

This terrible!

It's not good, I feel really bad.

When I had decided to stop with Strattera, because of the bad side effects.
The nurse told me to go down to 40 mg ( was 80 mg a day) and then stop a week efter.

But when I came home I read the little papper that comes along with the medicine.
There it sad that you did not have to tap down.
You can just stop directly, without a problem.

So why would I take it slow if they write that you can just stop?

So I did, first I felt ok.
Then I started days later to get out of balans and dizzy and slowly also more heavy, I mean real heavy.
When I checked it out on internet I found out that you should not stop suddenly!
Not even if you parents say so.

So now I'm sitting here,feeling terrible, very tired, but no sleep.
Heavy, dizzy and crazy.
Why did I even start testing this product?

Last week a big daily newspaper in Sweden, called AftonBladet has been writing a few articles about Strattera.
The medicine which I have been testing for a little more then a month.

The first story was about 2 doctors who are advisers concerning Strattera.
Because Strattera is still not on the market in Sweden.
I was one of 600 people who could test it with a license.

As you have read by now it was a hopeful beginning but a terrible ending.
After I stopped I felt the next day that I woke up out of a nightmare!
I was so relieved and so was my wife, because right away I felt better.
Not so aggressive and irritated!
Of course I still have the problems, big ,heavy disturbing problems.
But at least I'm a little more in control, not the medicine.

anyway to come back to the article in Aftonbladet, the second article was about the experience of a 15 year old boy.
He was getting serious suicide thoughts, which he never had before he used Strattera.
And a article about a 25 year old girl.
She was getting crazy thoughts like when she did see children walking in the street she felt like kicking them.
She never had those thoughts before.
Now when she stopped with Strattera, she feels so much better again! ( with other meds now)

I recognize the crazy thinking and feelings they had.
One moment, that bad moment as I described I had before Easter was also so extreme crazy.
I felt like I was laying on the ground in the woods, and that I had to call my wife to tell her she had to pick me up.
Because I could not walk anymore.
(which was a hallucination since I was normal and walking in the same time I had this thoughts)

I am so happy that this journalist took the effort to write those articles!
Because it will become more difficult for Eli Lilly ( the producer of Strattera)
to get it on the Swedish market. Since the experiences in Sweden are also not good, I don't see any reason
why they should put it open on the Swedish market.

I don't know where I read it, but I have read it that it was meant to be a anti depressiva from origin.
And that Eli Lilly ( the producer of Strattera) decided to market it as a ADHD medicine.
So that way they still good make money with it.
And the ADHD market is a growing market.
Although I must say that although I have ADHD myself, according to the hospital in a high grade,
I still think that allot of times people give themselves or their children to 'easy' the label ADHD.
So many symptoms can also be caused by other or handicaps ,whatever you want to call it.

The reporter ask for my name and telephone nr.
I gave it to him, but will not give an interview in my own name.
The reason i simple: I have 2 companies and I have a fulltime job.
I don't want to be known as the one with ADHD.
I want to know as a 'normal' hard worker and company owner.

And the attention should not go to me. But to the fact that Straterra is a dangerous and bad medicine what should not be allowed on the Swedish market.

The blog is getting way to long again, so I better stop.
I'll let you know if they are going to interview me, and if it gets published.
And most of all I hope that I might be able to report later that the medicine will not be allowed on the Swedish market!

How I feel

Well You all noticed that I have not been so faithful with my daily writing.
I haven't been writing for 5 days now I think.
To be honest, I really didn't feel like it.
Thanks to Strattera!
I felt terrible!

If you want my opinion on Strattera, Don't use it! Don't try it!

complains/side effects

I know I have been sounding very positive about Strattera in the beginning.
But more and more I started to realize that the irritation feelings became stronger.
Then when I talked with my wife about it, she couldn't agree more.
I started to dislike myself more and more!
My wife could hardly say anything to me without getting 'bad response' from me.
Concentration is one of the many problems I have.
So many times when we are going somewhere with our car I drive wrong unless my wife tells me how
to go. But when she does that I get irritated, and respond not nice, like it is her fault that I can't concentrate.
Concentration is just one of many problems.
Before I started with Strattera I had some very bad days.
Then it would be better for me and my loved ones to be alone.
But now thanks to Strattera I feel like I have only bad days!
Especially the last 2 weeks it was getting worse!

Sometimes I totally freaked out without any reason.
I could be sitting on a couch and become angry, just suddenly without any reason.
I could suddenly really flip out, freak out or however you want to call it.
Most times it happened when I was alone, so that was good.

But the worse moment I experienced was with Easter.
We where going to eat dinner at my mother in law.
She is a fantastic, sweet and very smart woman.
Not only that, but she is also a great cook, so I'm always happy to go to her!
But with Easter I went to the woods right before I was going to her.
I went into the woods and went crazy.
I really had to keep on talking to myself that I was ok.
That I am not crazy and that it probably was an side effect of Strattera.
I started to cry, became very emotional etc.

My dog came to me with a ball he found.
That helped because I could focus on playing with my dog.
and slowly I get out of that feeling.
It was a very scary experience.
After that I have been thinking about the research I had done before I started with Strattera.
That so many people in America, I think it was more then 300 killed themselves.
And if I understood it correctly it was also proven that it was connected with the use of Strattera.

Here in Sweden they are testing it now on about 600 people.
It is only available via a special license, well if it is up to me I hope they will not
be allowed to put it on the market here.
I was one of those 600 people and as far as I understood, no people here in Sweden
had any good results. I base that on reading and responses I heard and got.
So I don't claim this as being a fact. All in my blog is my opinion, not facts.
I'm not a specialist, I'm not a doctor.
But I am a smart guy with user experience in the field ADHD and medicine.
I have tried Effexor, Ritalin, concerta, Metamine, in English known as dextro amphetamine
and I probably forget to mention a few. Nothing worked.
And all medicine have side effects. now I have been reading also reports on the effect of
the use of Ritalin and other stimulants on children. I don't remember where I read it.
It's also not so easy to find critical reports from experts, and I wonder if they, I mean the medicine industry,
is trying to keep those reports away from the public?

I know I sound totally different now then when I started with testing Strattera.
Of course I sound different! I was hoping Strattera was going to work for me.
My life is a life of allot of stress, troubles, confrontations etc.
I'm tired of living the life I do, well that doesn't sound right.
I'm not tired of life, but I want to live a normal life!
I want to be able to give love to my wife whom I love more then anything else in this world.
I want to be able to enjoy life without stress and chaos.

People outside on the street probably don't see that I have such a big problem.
After all I have my own company, I have a company together with my wife.
I also work on a normal job fulltime.
We live close to nature and have fantastic animals.
I have family, and also a very nice family in law.
A car, a moped, a bike. I'm not bound to a wheelchair or anything.
So everything is ok right?

I know I should be thankful for all of that.
I don't know how to explain what the problem is, but maybe you get a little idea of how the life of someone with ADHD is (and how hard it is for the partners of some one with ADHD) if you read the posting about the start of my day. Then you might get a little better understanding. This story does not have a happy ending.
Well not yet anyway. It's just a start to a new adventure, now without medicine.

I'm a Christian, I believe in God. Maybe I have been putting my hope to much on medicine instead of Him.

I will keep on writing this week about the last days of testing Strattera.
I went down from 80 mg to 40 mg. after that I will continue to write, although maybe not daily
about ADHD in my life. So keep on reading.

Hi folks,

I know I have not been writing for about 5 days or so.
And then the last time I wrote I only anounced that we where expecting kittens.
And that has nothing to do with the original goal from my blogsite: ADHD.
But it's our first nest with our Siamese cats, so I just want to share some pictures.
I do that in this post and then I will go back to the ADHD subject again.

Here are some pictures:

Are they cute or what?

Only one kitten is reserved yet, a boy, he will go all the way to Germany.
The other 4 girls are still looking for a new home.
So write me if your interested!

I know it has noting todo with ADHD.
But I have to tell you all that we get kittens!
Well ok not we but our Lilac siamese called Lilly!

She is still behaving very cool, but according to not only our counting,
but also our vet she is suppose to get the babies today!
Well it's allready efter midnight so yesterday should be the day.

It is our first nest with our siamese cattery, so we are VERY excited!
Hopefully tomorrow I will be able to share some pictures with you all.
But in the mean time you can already see how the mother and father are looking
on the website from our cattery: Love me tender.

And please don't forget to write a comment and or sign my guestbook!

PS: I'm still looking for a freechatroom without advertisement.
Because the one I have now on this blog is only working when I'm online and login.
That's not good. So all tips are welcome!

Theo

Well today I went for a longer walk into the woods.
That's my way of getting a little calmer and a little more peace.

Today was a nice day.
The snow is on it's way out, and the wood looks beautifull now.
I took a few pictures that I want to share, I just took them behind our house in the woods.

Here are the pictures I took today:

Another one from Zorro our dog:

and here is another one:

How I feel

Very tired, really extreme for a few days now.
It's so terrible to be tired all the time.
But lately it's more extreme again.

And also fustrated because I had to write this posting again and again......

Complains/ side effects

The usual, dry mouth, tiredness, toiletgoing problems etc.

ADHD effects

Also the usual ones.
At getting a little boring to write the same everyday.
I'm going to bed soon,zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Theo

How I feel
This report is about Saturday and Sunday.

Saturday was REALLY TERRIBLE in the beginning.
I woke up VERY stressed and angry, VERY angry.
Without any reason what so ever.
I was worried about the fact that I even woke up like that.
I had to get up early because I was going to sell things on the market.
So the good thing was that I was alone. no one around me.
But it is scary to see how I can be without any reason.
I was not out of control, I knew what I was doing, but it sure was not nice.
On that moment I was doubting if I should continue with Strattera.
But I have promised myself after allot of research online, that
I would test it for at least 2 months.
This because most people who did have success with Strattera
did not feel any stable difference until after 2 months.

So I went on that day and within a few hours I became calm.
So unbelievable calm, it was fantastic!
I don't think I have felt such a complete calm feeling in my body my whole life!
I don't mean stoned, or sleepy, I was completely alert and awaken.
So Saturday ended nice, Sunday was more normal.
More calmer because I didn't had this chaos in my feelings and my head.
And I finally found the peace and energy to clean up and organize my office!
It starts to look very good now!

Complains/side effects

On Saturday very strong anger feelings ( read above)
On Sunday as usual lately.

ADHD effects

Well the effects from Saturday morning I did not like. But the rest of Saturday was fantastic!
and Sunday was more 'normal' again, but I felt good because I cleaned up and organized my office.
It's not done yet, but I'm getting there.
I needed to cast allot of stuff and I did.
I trew about 3 or 4 big bags with stuff away.
So that was good.

How I feel

VERY, VERY frustrated!

Yes Strattera works, because I don't have this hunted and rush feelings anymore.
But it's not enough!
The irritation feelings are still very strong present.
And not just some days, it feels lately almost daily.
How do I know?
Well be around me for 24 hours and you know, ask my wife.
Really I can joke about it but it's so frustrated!
Today for example, we where in a supermarket.
My wife was already standing in a line to pay the stuff we did buy.
A man came and stood behind her in the line.
Then I came and sad: excuse me, to the man and passed him.
So far so good, but then he told me he was first.
I told him in Swedish, that's where I live, that I was with her, the woman in front of him.
He probably didn't understand my Swedish and took me by my arm
and try to push me back.
I exploded and told him clearly , well loud is a better word, to get lost.
The problem was only that I sad it in Dutch, but he understood that he made me VERY angry.
Right away he went to another line and waited there instead for his turn.
Luckily, because the security guard also cam to check out what the problem was.
But he was not needed.

It's such a stupid moment, that I felt right away so bad about.
Most of all because I embarrassed my wife in front of others.
And it happens so many times.
I get so tired and frustrated with myself.
There is nothing worse then hurting the ones you love!
I don't know what to do anymore.
I do know that something has to change.

Complains/side effects.

The same as the last days.
The exploding and irritating feelings are part of the ADHD.
That's not a complain caused by Strattera.

ADHD effects

Also the same as written before.
Nothing new, so why repeat right?

It's late and I got to get up early, so I better stop and get some sleep.